Are you preparing for the marriage or the wedding?

As a wedding planner, I spend the majority of my days talking and meeting with brides. We discuss every detail of their wedding from flowers, photography, catering, style, etc... One thing that rarely comes to the conversation is how the couple is preparing for their life together after the wedding. In today's society couples have been taught to focus all their attention on the wedding during their engagement, but rarely do I find a couple who has thought about the next chapter. I have had many brides that have a complete melt downs, because the ribbon holding the flowers together may be one color shade off. They become so worked up over minor details the loose sight of the big picture.

As a wedding planner my job is to worry about the details and make sure everything is perfect. Through experience I can truly say that my couples who prepare for life after the wedding are much happier and do not experience as much "culture shock" as they transition to the next stage of the relationship.

So what are ways you as a couple can prepare for that next chapter?

1. Remember that you are individuals
~ Although you came "together as one" when you said I Do, you are still two people with two minds. You must be prepared that you and your partner will not agree on everything. You will not agree on every thing and it is likely you will have rough patches during the first year and beyond. During your engagement practice "fighting fair," do not make assumptions about what your partner is feeling. How does your partner address conflict? What are your communication styles? There are many marriage and relationship education workshops that can help couples learn tools to work through conflict and communicate effectively.

2. Discuss Expectations 
~ So many times couples just assume they are on the same page. I am talking beyond an outdoor or indoor ceremony. For example, many couples have always imagined their wedding would follow their traditional cultural background. It is not until they discuss the ceremony itinerary that the they realize the groom assumed they were having a traditional Jewish ceremony, but the bride assumed they were having a traditional Catholic ceremony. This also goes along with effective communication discussed in point 1. If you make a compromise for the wedding, this still can cause complications down the road when you have children. Will the children be raised Jewish or Catholic? Discussing future expectations (beyond the wedding) is vital for a successful marriage.

3. Discuss Finances 
~ This is often times an uncomfortable conversation to have, but if you are getting married it is a necessary conversation. You need to discuss credit scores, spending habits, income, debt, etc... Will you be able to finances together? Working together on the wedding budget is good practice for what comes after! Sitting down with a financial adviser is a good idea before you tie the knot. Know where you stand financial as a couple. Know what you can afford, before you try to buy it!

4. Premarital Education/Counseling 
~ Premarital education/counseling will provide the couple an opportunity to openly discuss points 1-3 and so much more. Too often, those considering premarital education or counseling view it as a chore, rather than a privilege.But premarital preparations is one of the most powerful tools for ensuring the love you and your partner currently feel continues throughout a lifetime. Many churches will offer free or low-cost counseling sessions.

~ Sabra Stutz
www.southernposhproductions.com

Matthew 19:4-6

Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."